


On My Own

by ScorchCC1262



Series: The Ballad of Eponine [1]
Category: Persona 5, persona - Fandom
Genre: Cries heart out, Crying, F/M, He loves someone else, I'M SO SORRY HARU, I'm Sorry, Pining, Post Christmas Day In-Game Spoilers, Re-done Confidant Rank 9/10, Valentine's Day, Why did I do this to myself?, Yearning, inspired by les miserables, one-sided, she loves him, tragic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-21 03:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14907716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorchCC1262/pseuds/ScorchCC1262
Summary: With her leader and secret crush back home from Juvenile Hall, Haru Okumura decides to put it all on the line and reveal her feelings for him...Inspired by the musical number "On My Own" from Les Miserables... and a conversation with my friend, AristoMercu!





	On My Own

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AristoMuse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AristoMuse/gifts).



> On my own,  
> Pretending he's beside me....

The familiar ring of LeBlanc’s bell alerts the Ex-Phantom Thieves to the figure at the door. Haru thinks her eyes deceive her when she sees the charmingly disheveled hair, the bright beautiful eyes behind the large fake lenses, and the soft lips of her leader and her secret crush smile back at her. She rushes up with the rest of her friends to reassure herself that the work she had done with her team to get him home had indeed finally paid off. Her ears don't even register the conversation the rest of the team is having with him as she lets herself get lost in his eyes for the first time in what felt like an eternity since his incarceration. When they finally embrace, she feels every inch of her skin set aflame and she buries her face even harder into his chest. His consoling whisper of “I missed you, Haru” into her ear makes her heart flutter so hard that she thinks it will burst out of her chest. With a relieved sigh, she silently mouths off into his chest the words that she longs to finally have reach his ears,

“I love you…”

She is scared. She has never told him how she really felt about him, how badly she had fallen for him. She never told him how she admired his courage and smooth demeanor when they faced against the demons in the Metaverse, how she would melt into a puddle at the sight of his confident smirk underneath that stylish masquerade mask of his. She never admitted to him how much she loved how gentle and caring he was with her, how much she appreciated the time he took out of his day for her and the shoulder he gave her to cry on when she bore her heart and soul to him. She never revealed to him how much she prayed and cried out to the heavens for the chance to have him in her arms, for the chance to wildly smash her lips into his. She almost lost her chance to tell him twice and she knows she needs to tell him soon before it’s too late. She knows all of that, and yet, she is scared.

But in their short time together, he has taught her courage. With him, she was finally able to find the strength to run her father’s company and figure out her dream of opening up a cafe like LeBlanc. With him, she was finally able to fend off her disgusting, abusive, and perverted ex-fiancé. With him, she finally felt the warmth of true love. His love.

“I love you…”

Haru whispers to herself as she picked some coffee beans from her garden - THEIR garden. She smiles fondly as she recalls their exploration of gardening and her newfound love of coffee. She thinks of his hands as they picked the weeds from their garden to help raise the various crops they had - the tomatoes, the carrots, and the coffee beans. She takes a handful of the beans, closes her eyes, and brings them to her nose to take in its aroma. The scent reminds her of the lingering coffee fragrance she smelled on him when they embraced. The smell reminds her of the shocked face he made when she told him he ingested elephant dung coffee. The aroma reminds her of the hand he placed on her shoulder when she presented her home-grown coffee to the CEO of Okumura Foods to show him the direction she wanted her father’s company to go.

She opens her eyes and smiles with contentment. She will use these beans as a garnish for the Valentine’s Day chocolate she will make for him. She has never made chocolate before, let alone chocolate meant for Valentine’s Day. She pores over the ingredients on a list she finds online. She is determined to get it right. She will make the best chocolate he has ever tasted. She decides that she will tell him that day. She will walk into LeBlanc after his work day is done, look deep into his soft silver eyes and say,

“I love you…”

Haru whispers it again to herself at the convenience store near her home and looks up at the aisles where her ingredients lay. She tiptoes to reach for a couple of the items on her list and imagines him grabbing the boxes on the top shelf for her without any trouble. She imagines him looking down and smirking at her with that smug and charming smile of his.

“Oh, that cocky boy,” she giggles shyly to herself as she takes the last of the ingredients out of her bag in the kitchen. She pours the ingredients into a pot and stirs them together, following all the directions to the letter. She imagines lithe fingers intertwining with hers to help her stir the substance into the correct texture and density. She imagines him encouraging her and smiles when she imagines hearing him say the words she so desperately longs to hear,

“I love you…”

Haru writes the phrase on the note she attached to the box that held her homemade Valentine’s Day chocolates. The rain is pouring outside of her car on the nice, cool Valentine’s Day evening. She does not know where she is, but she knows the destination. She steels herself and tells herself again and again that today is the day she will tell him. She poured all of her love into the chocolates she made and she hopes that it will be enough to steal his heart. She hugs the box she spent many hours decorating and once again takes in the subtle scent of coffee to calm her. She imagines his embrace and the tranquil nothings he whispers into her ear to still the nervous beating of her heart. She opens her eyes to see her chauffeur opening the door to the alleyway that leads to her to the gentleman thief, the tuxedo-masked delinquent who swooped into her father’s castle, swept her off her feet, and stole her heart forever. Armed with only an umbrella and her box full of love, Haru takes a deep breath as she turns to see her car drive away and disappear around the corner. She looks back down to the alley and takes in the musky rain-soaked air. She sees the people around her smiling. The trees glow with life as the raindrops lightly taps on each of the leaves. She looks down at the rain-soaked pavement and is instantly reminded of his beautiful grey eyes. She walks forward and imagines he is next to her with his arm wrapped around her shoulder to comfort her. She imagines he looks down to her with his ever reassuring smirk. Closing her eyes, she briefly indulges herself and lets her mind wander to their future where they would run her cafe together. She giggles at the thought that they would argue about what the cafe’s new name would be. She thinks he would want the name to be something awesome and maybe Phantom Thief-related while she would prefer something more soft and homey (and maybe French) like Leblanc.

She opens her eyes when she smells the calming scent of coffee mix with the pungent, wet air. Haru smiles when she spots the familiar window-paned door of LeBlanc. Her heart begins to flutter with simultaneous excitement and utter dread. Time slows to a crawl and her thoughts race a million miles a minute as she stands frozen in the rain. She takes one more breath and approaches the door. Her hands are inches away from the knob when she hears,

“I love you.”

Her breath hitches at finally hearing the words she very desperately wanted to hear from him for the longest time, but instead of the elated and joyful feelings she thought she would feel, she feels her gut wrench with sheer terror. Something is wrong. In a horrified second, she realizes why - his words were not directed at her.

“I love you too.”

Her heart stops dead and she feels her body go cold at the other girl’s voice. The life in her eyes dims and her eyes grow wide with panic. Haru looks up to see his back facing her through the rain-soaked door, his face burying kisses on a face that is not her own. She tries to recognize the girl, the one who robbed her of his heart. She thinks she sees blonde pigtails? Short brown hair? Maybe long brown hair… or orange hair... perhaps curly pink hair? She is unable to see the unknown girl through her tear-soaked eyes. She realizes her brain doesn't even want to recognize the girl who took her place in his loving embrace. “It doesn't matter,” she whispers with a heavy heart.

Haru shudders at the thought that his heart was never hers to take. She slowly looks down at the shattered box in front of her feet when she hears it drop from her trembling hands. She needs to get out of here, she thinks. She drops her umbrella and sprints away from that cursed cafe, the bitter smell of coffee, and him… and THEM. She runs down the alleyway and screams as she cries. In the chaos of her run, she trips and falls on her arms. She sits up to a kneel and looks around her. The alley is devoid of the life she saw naught a few minutes before. The trees stand lifeless around her and the smiling people no longer stand where she saw them. She looks at the wet grey pavement and curses at the heavens for the silver eyes that she knows will never love her like she does for him. She sobs away her dreams of kissing his lips, waking up next to him, and opening up the cafe together as she sees them slowly slip from her fingertips and fade into the darkness in her mind. She screams at the air as her tears join the raindrops that fall on her face. She closes her eyes and tilts her head down to see a familiar black cat look up at her with a sullen look on his face. She cups Morgana's face with both of her hands and tries, unconvincingly, to curve her lips to smile at him. She looks square into the wet feline’s eyes and chokes out the words she wanted to say,

“I… love… him…”

Haru squints her eyes and looks down to hold back the next wave of tears as the storm grows worse. Her body shivers from the cold and the only warmth she feels is from her love’s furry friend and confidant. She tearfully whispers again to him as if those three words explain everything,

“I love him.”

She looks back at her feline friend who just continues to look silently at her with sympathetic eyes. He closes his eyes and nudges his head into her left hand to console her. She sniffles and continues to cry as she hugs the soaking wet cat and sways herself back and forth in a sad silence. She mournfully whispers the three words once again, but with her solemn addendum,

“I love him, but only on my own…”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, Haru. I'm truly, madly, deeply, sorry for what I had to do to you to write this fic...
> 
> If you're wondering how I wrote this, I basically wrote this with a box of tissues and the song "On My Own" on repeat. I hate myself for what I've done to one of my favorite Phantom Thieves and one of my favorite P5 ships....
> 
> I am open to feedback of my writing style and work! I appreciate any comments and critiques! Thanks!


End file.
